Radio Silence

This blog is been quiet for over a year,  I have had a lot to say, but I didn't know how to say it. I was encouraged to "just write something" - it didn't matter what! But, the content of this blog has value to me, and I was struggling to voice what valued to me.  I wasn't going to waste everyone's time with content I didn't believe in. So -  I took a year off, worked through some of my junk (I am still working through my junk, because who are we kidding, our junk is going to be with us till the day we die!), and began to find my voice again. I am excited to start writing again, and see where this journey will take me.

London Memories: May 16, 2012

May 16, 2012

Every trip has a "Pinch me. I'm here!" moment. One year ago today, I stepped off a plane at Heathrow, hopped off a bus in London, and rode the smallest elevator ever to stand in the tower of Westminster Cathedral and drank in the incredible view. This was London, and center left in my view, was Westminster Abbey. There was a lot of shrieking that day... and squealing... and ear-to-ear smiles. (I have a picture of that moment, but F.C. and I have decided that our bleary, joyful, and jet-lagged faces are best left off the internet.)

Roommates & Renovations...

"The pain was still there, taking up a big part of my heart, but it was time for Pain to get a roommate. It wasn't happy about sharing a room, but Pain is never happy. When Change came through the door that day, moving Pain's belongings to the side, confining it to only half of my heart's space, it brought with it a new perspective.

Change starts small - a bit shy at first. But slowly Change does great things. Change renovates new spaces and places into something beautiful. And that was just something Pain was going to have to deal with."

- excerpt from Bloom by Kelle Hampton

Well, hello there 2013!

Well, hello there 2013! You certainly got on my good side with all of this fluffy snow, very seasonally appropriate. Your big sister, 2012, left some mighty important tasks for you to finish. 2012 was the year of expansive highs, and painful lows, but overall she was a year of progress.

So what are we going to work on, 2013? The traveling of 2012 has whetted my appetite for more. England may have to wait for 2014, but there are still many corners of the old U.S. of A. that haven't been seen. Let's see some of those together. Do you like the Pacific Northwest, 2013? Because that may be in our future...

Do you remember the clutter class that big sister was responsible for last fall? More of those techniques may be applied to you, 2013... so get ready.

Grab your hat, 2013, for this will be an adventure!

Non-iPhone Photo Dump - Dec. 2012

I have wanted to try instagram for awhile, but in light of the latest news, I think I'm am safer not to. Plus that would require getting a full-on data plan, and I would rather save my money for plane tickets! (New Year's resolution #1!)

So, here is a peek into my December...
- decking the halls at work w/G.
- deciding not to get Lady a friend.
- sick days with Lady & Bloose.
- my Christmas tree!
- new reads courtesy of my local library!

 

The days that got away...

This time of year is both wonderful and horrible for me.

Wonderful, as I celebrate the willingness of my Saviour to take on human form for only a few decades, that through His sacrifice and resurrection, I might be saved.

Horrible, because of the overwhelming sense of loss that clouds the holidays.

When I was twelve, I watched my father cry for the first time in my memory as he said goodbye to his father just three days into the New Year.

Two years later, I felt my grasp on my one safe place slip, as it became my crucible. The actual break with this place didn't officially occur until later that winter, but the seeds were planted.

Eight years later, I spent my final Christmas with my precious Grandma. I told her I loved her for the last time. She would begin to slip away just a few weeks later, finally passing the night after my 22nd birthday.

Two years ago, I experienced another kind of loss, a loss of friendships. One of those loses that you grieve months later, as you realize how little you knew these friends. Future meetings are tainted by awkwardness, and guilt, because on some level, you wonder if your loss was caused by your own inadequacies and failures.

Why am I writing this down on my little blog that only eight people read?  Because I am learning to own my past, as messy and painful as it is. The fact that all of my yucky times have occurred around the holidays has given me a new purpose - take them back.

So, I put up my Christmas tree this year - even though I should have been cleaning my bathroom.

And I bought whimisical Christmas wrapping paper - because it had owls and fuchsia berries. And because,  truthfully, I have never gotten over my childhood love of fuchsia. (Although, the spelling of the word continues to be a challenge.)

And, as soon as this sore throat goes away, I am pulling out a wax-stained recipe card to make my family's sugar cookies. Just like Grandma taught me...

Clarity...

Westminster Cathedral, London - May 2012

Life has been full of busy, painful, and hurried moments. 

But, every once in while, 

a flash of clarity peeks through your door. 

I live for those moments.